Taneesa Williamson CEO, executive coach and Zen teacher Marc Lesser shares his insight from 25 years of experience in supporting leaders in reaching their full potential, both in business and in life.
From critical bosses, bad drivers and rude strangers, dealing with difficult people can be frustrating, but it doesn’t have to ruin your day. Marc Lesser, a CEO, Executive Coach and Zen teacher who brought emotional intelligence training to Google, says in his upcoming book “We tend to judge others by the impact their actions have on us. We judge ourselves by our intentions.”
The key to dealing with “difficult people,” Lesser says, is compassionate accountability.
Marc’s newest book, Finding Clarity: How Compassionate Accountability Builds Vibrant Relationships, Thriving Workplaces, and Meaningful Lives, is a groundbreaking path to professional communication and success that melds together essential concepts — compassion and accountability.
Lesser helped develop the world-renowned Search Inside Yourself program within Google – a mindfulness-based emotional intelligence training for leaders, which teaches the art of integrating mindfulness, emotional intelligence and business savvy for creating great corporate cultures and a better world.
We spoke with Marc about why avoiding conflict, especially in the workplace, can have detrimental effects.
Can you tell us more about why avoiding conflict can be dangerous?
Avoiding conflict can be trouble, especially in the workplace. When we avoid small annoyances or misunderstandings, they can accumulate and grow into bigger issues, which can lead to anger and resentment. If we don’t address these conflicts, they can create unrepairable rifts in important relationships and make collaboration and teamwork ineffective or impossible. From personal experience, I once avoided conflicts with my leadership team and board, and it ultimately resulted in me being fired from a company I founded.
Skillfully addressing conflict builds trust and effectiveness. It supports individual wellbeing, healthy relationships, and is the backbone of creating great cultures.
How can people identify when those who are being difficult are beyond the point of communication, or more simply, can be dangerous or negatively impactful?
It can be challenging to identify when someone is beyond the point of communication, but some signs to watch out for are when the person is unwilling to listen, understand or compromise, or when they become aggressive or threatening. If you find yourself in a situation where communication is impossible, it may be time to bring in a mediator or seek professional help to address the conflict.
How can colleagues turn their communication issues into breakthroughs that benefit both?
To turn communication issues into breakthroughs, I recommend following these 5 rules:
Firstly, put in place a “no festering rule” where you address conflicts early on, but only when it’s helpful, kind and the right time.
Secondly, approach conflicts with compassionate accountability, by striving towards greater alignment, openness, and clarity, with empathy and motivation to help and heal.
Thirdly, see working with conflict as an opportunity for building self-awareness, character, and emotional freedom by becoming aware of your own tendencies to fight, flight, or freeze when conflict arises.
Fourthly, don’t get too stuck on your story. Acknowledge your own contribution to the conflict and start the conversation by saying, “The story I’m telling myself is…”. This can open up a dialogue for understanding and compromise.
Lastly, practice with confidence, vulnerability, presence and communication skills. Working skillfully and effectively with conflict is all about practice and a touch of courage.
By following these rules, you can turn potential breakdowns into surprising breakthroughs and create a workplace culture that supports individual well-being, healthy relationships, and effective collaboration.
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